Nadia Bolz-Weber, as I shared a few weeks ago, is one of my new favorite preachers. She shares in her new book a story about the Memorial Service her ecumenical clergy group led for the 10^th Anniversary of 9/11. She was finding herself in a terrible mood. There had been a request for her to wear her clergy robe, which she never wears. It was terribly wrinkled and at the last minute she was desperately trying to iron out the wrinkles. She was trying to get with the program. Well, the service went well with everyone doing their part. It was very moving and powerful. At the end, everyone was asked to write a prayer or lament on a colored index card and then clip it to clothes line that was crisscrossing the lawn outside the host church. As Nadia was leaving, she noticed this one bright lemon-colored card calling her over to read it. She flipped it over and it said, “I can’t forgive this, can you?”

It hit her like a ton of bricks! She had never been able to forgive the evil that had happened to our country on that horrible day 10 years ago. Her story of where she was when the nation all stood glued to our television sets was shared along with the realization that her children would never know the country that she remembered. She recalls struggling with having to preach that evening on forgiveness and not knowing what to say. She couldn’t preach on what she didn’t truly feel.

Through her wrestling with scripture, she found that Jesus spoke a lot about forgiveness. The Gospel reading for that day was when Peter asked Jesus how many times he must forgive someone, who had sinned against him. “Seven times,” Peter asked. “No”, Jesus said, “seventy-seven times!” (In some translations, it says seven times seventy) That is A LOT! At first glance, it may look like Jesus says “just be a doormat.” Is it okay for someone to keep wiping their feet all over you? No, she doesn’t think that is what Jesus is saying. Jesus is not okay when someone hurts you, violates or ruins you.

No that is not what Jesus meant so Nadia decided to go deeper. She looked at the way she feels when someone hurts her deeply. Nadia honestly shares that there are times in her life that she wants to get even. There are times I think we all feel like this and times when we want to just punch the person, who has caused us pain. And Nadia finds that not only does she take it out on the person that has caused the hurt but she will also take it out on others. She says, “Holding on to the anger about the harm done to me doesn’t actually combat the evil, it feeds it.” (Pastrix: The Cranky, Beautiful Faith of a Sinner and Saint, by Nadia Boltz-Weber, Jericho Books publisher; 2013)

In the end, she found that if you hold on to the sin of another and don’t forgive then it is like you have chained yourself to that evil or darkness. Our anger, bitterness and resentment builds up and doesn’t free us at all. It only keeps us chained down. The forgiveness for others that we find through Christ is like huge cutters that snaps the chain and breaks us free. It is not about saying the hurt from another is okay. But it frees you from the sin of the other person. Forgiveness can be a difficult thing especially when we don’t feel it in our heart. It is our faith that we must rely on. Faith is about believing in God and not always understanding.

Nadia finishes by saying, “My heart may be dark, but I chose to act according to what I believe, not what I feel. What happened on 9/11 was not okay. That is why I need to forgive, because I can’t be bound to that kind of evil. Lest it affects the evil in my own heart and metastasize it.” (Pastrix: The Cranky, Beautiful Faith of a Sinner and Saint, by Nadia Boltz-Weber, Jericho Books publisher; 2013)

The author of our scripture today was sending a message to people just like you and me. They were living in community and the people in 1^st John needed to be in fellowship with one another and with God. The only way to do this was to live in the light of God and not in the darkness. They needed to realize their sin, confess it and forgive themselves as well as each other. They could not do this if they were chained to the darkness. They had to be set free.

When I was taking classes to become a Commissioned Lay Pastor (now it is called Commissioned Ruling Elder), we spent a weekend discussing Pastoral Care. The class was divided up into groups. Each group was assigned a topic of various people and their need of care: divorce, ill and dying, alcoholism and addiction. My group was assigned to caring for those who had suffered abuse. Now, I was a fish out of water because (Praise God!) I have never experienced mental or physical abuse.

But Mrs. C. had. She was a classmate of mine and she had been married for years to a man that beat her repeatedly. She was thankful that he never hurt their children. After her children grew older, she finally got the courage and strength to divorce him. She held the hurt and hatred in her heart and Mrs. C shared that she could not forgive her ex-husband. I told her that I was thankful for sharing this with me and it helped me to understand.

Months went by and graduation arrived. We were asked what scared us the most about what Christ may call us to do while serving a church. She came up to me and shared that God had finally put it upon her heart to forgive him. It was very difficult. It had taken time spent with her pastor and her wonderful second husband. She could never forget and it was not okay what he had done to her. But she was able to break free of the pain and hatred that had chained her down for so long. By being free from this, she would be able to go out and serve others. I think it was God’s timing on urging Mrs. C. to forgive her ex-husband. God knew that she could never be able to fully live in fellowship with others unless she had broken free from this.

In a link of chain, there is a circle. I wonder how many of us think that we are better than the sins of 9/11 or the sins of Mrs. C’s ex-husband. We don’t go around killing each other or beating people. We really don’t do anything that comes close to being that bad. But when I look at this circle from the link of a chain, it is unending. How many times do we continue to sin and don’t think much about it?

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  Gossiping

  
  


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  Telling those little white lies

  
  


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  Speeding on the interstate

  
  


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  Wasting our natural resources and not taking care of our planet

  
  


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  Manipulating people

  
  


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  Cheating on our taxes

  
  


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  Overlooking the needs of the least of these

  
  

  All sin is sin! Any time we say we do not sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. It is true that we are human and we will never totally make the mark. But God, who is faithful and just and loves us despite our humanness, wants us to strive to walk in the light and be honest about what we do to ourselves and each other.

  
  

   

  
  

  The other important thing I wanted to talk about is the importance of forgiving ourselves. For some of us, we can ask God to forgive us and know that God does but we can’t forgive ourselves. There is a great story that we share at Rockville Women’s Prison when we are on retreat there.

  
  

A story is told of a farmer whose hobby was to raise prize-winning Bantam roosters, known across the country a “Banty Roosters”.  He had this one particular rooster who had won blue ribbons and first prizes at livestock shows, county fairs, and even the State Fair.  The farmer also had a very good son of whom he was very proud and loved very much. On his son’s 16th birthday, the farmer gave him a new red convertible sports car.  The son was totally overwhelmed with his gift.  He begged his dad to let him drive it into town to impress his friends.  His father agreed.  It was one of those small towns with just a courthouse square.

He gave all his friends a ride and anyone else who asked.  He and his car were the envy of all.  All too soon, the sun was setting and it would soon be dark.  He said goodbye to his friends and headed down the dirt road for home.  He knew he was going to be late, so he began driving faster than usual. Too quickly, he found himself at the front gate.  He applied the brakes and slid into the front yard striking his dad’s prize Banty rooster.  He looked up and he saw his father quietly rocking on the front porch.  His father had seen the whole event.

The son was brokenhearted, that in his recklessness, he had killed his father’s rooster.  He pulled the rooster from the front of the car, carried it carefully up to the front porch where his dad was sitting.  With tears in his eyes, he begged for his father’s forgiveness.  His father spoke softly, told the boy he was disappointed, but he forgave him.  He gently told his son,” Go bury the rooster.”  The son got a shovel and buried the rooster under the shade tree in the front yard.

Three days later, driving home from school, he began to think about what he had done.  When he got home, he got the shovel and dug up the rooster.  Shaking off the dirt and bugs, he carried the rooster to the barn where his dad was working.  He held up the rotting bird, and again in great pain, he asked his father to forgive him.  The father, with great patience, told the boy, “Son, I forgave you.  Go bury the rooster.”

Sunday arrived and the boy went to church. The sermon that day was on sin and forgiveness. The boy started thinking about what he had done.  When he arrived home, he went to the shed, got the shovel and headed for the shade tree.

By now all of you are probably saying to yourselves, if that boy digs up that rooster again, he’s got to be the dumbest kid in the world.  Am I right?  But, how many times have you been “digging up your roosters”?  God forgives us. This story may resonate more with people in prison who have done horrible, terrible things to other people and there is deep guilt. But I think this story rings true for us too. How many times do we struggle with letting go and forgiving ourselves? (Kairos Prison Ministry International, Inc.; Red Manual published by Kairos; 2005)

Forgiving of others as well as ourselves can be very difficult. Asking God’s forgiveness can be difficult. We give thanks to God who loves us despite our sins and grants us amazing grace so that we can be in fellowship with each other and God. We are going to sing a Contemporary version of a favorite old hymn “Amazing Grace”. The chorus speaks to our message today when it says: My chains are gone / I've been set free / My God, my Savior has ransomed me / And like a flood His mercy reigns / Unending love, Amazing grace. Praise be to God. Amen.